Getting clean and sober

by Rachael
(Brighton, CO USA)

After my first son was born in 2003, I became addicted to prescription pain killers. They were prescribed for me during my first pregnancy in order to keep my migraines in check while I was carrying him.

Afterwards, I continued to take the medication because it worked for me. Unfortunately, it worked too well. The more headaches I would get, the more medication I would take. Eventually it came to a point where I was taking the medication daily, whether I had a headache or not.

After several years of abusing the medication, I was in a tough spot. My marriage was falling apart. I was completely apathetic about my life, motherhood, my job, etc. I had resorted to stealing medication from residents of the apartment community where I worked.

I had tried numerous times to just quit taking the pills, but to no avail. I would get sick, shake, run fevers, have diarrhea, until I would swallow a few more pills just to feel better.

One December day in 2005, the police showed up to my workplace and said they had a warrant for my arrest. Evidently, one of the residents had grown wise to my theft and installed video cameras in his apartment. I had been caught stealing on videotape.

While it seemed disastrous at the time, it was the changing day in my life. I was arrested for the first time in my life. I was fingerprinted, taken to jail, and had to spend the night in a tiny cell without access to any pain medication. I had the shakes, the sweats, and diarrhea, but I didn't die. I survived the night, and saw the judge the next morning.

Fortunately, the judge was willing to give me a second chance. It was a major awakening, and a changing day in my life. While I faced a lot of possible criminal charges and a long probation period, I was clean, sober, and ready to face life in a new, clear way.

I have been clean since December of 2005. My marriage is stronger than ever now. My husband and I are now expecting our third child--our first girl, and have found a niche for ourselves in the world.

We love each other with all the desperation I used to have for my next dose of pain medication. It is amazing to be able to look back and see how low I was four short years ago, and look at where we are now.